Happy Birthday Sam

Today is my first born's birthday. Unfortunately, they are heavenly birthdays and not earthly ones. Today he is nine. I can't begin to imagine who that sweet baby I held nine years ago would be today. What would he look like? What kind of personality would he have had - I think he would have be a lot like Eliza Claire? What would his interests be?

Oh, how I miss him. Oh, how I wish I could spend his birthday with him. Oh, how I wish I could spend his birthday joyfully and not tearfully. Oh, how I wish I could see all five of my kids playing together. Oh, how I wish I could see my two sons together laughing over some silly, gross, elementary boy thing.

I just wish I got to know him. But, I know God is good. And I know God loves me and Sam. I know I will see him again. I know I will always be his mother. I know I will always love him. I know, but still, I wish...