And So It Begins

Today marks the start of my pre-op diet. Many surgeons have patients do a 2 week liquid diet prior to surgery.  My surgeon is not one of them.  I am very thankful.  My pre-op diet is very low carb but real food, except for the last day.  That day is a clear liquid diet to ensure the stomach is empty at surgery. 

The goal of the pre-op diet is to shrink the liver to make the surgery easier on the surgeon.  The liver has to be lifted out of the way to get to the stomach.  Overweight patients tend to have fatty livers.  The pre-op diet is designed to shrink the liver approximately 15%, thus making getting around it easier.

The last week or so, I've know that the pre-op diet was coming followed by surgery.  I have been having my last hurrah with all of my favorite foods that will not be on my plate in the future. I expected to really enjoy these meals, and some of them I really have.  But some of them have not been anywhere as delicious as I was expecting them to be.  I'm not sure if it is my mind make an shift or what.  I'm grateful though.  As it has made this next phase easier to enter. 

What was my last meal?  A PDQ Pimento Crunch sandwich and fries.  It was delicious.  I enjoyed the time with Ruby more than the food.  I love getting one on one time with each of my kids. We had errands to run and it was dinner time so we had a dinner date.  It was lovely.

 There have been some interesting conversations with my girls in the last week, the boy has been completely uninterested, I would even say oblivious.  But that is not surprising at all.  I've been open and honest with them about this procedure and my feelings surrounding it  One of my concerns from the beginning is how my doing this procedure will affect them.  I do not want to cause them diet or body issues.  That has always been a goal of mine and I'm sure I've already failed. 

I've always tried to talk about health, different body styles, embracing the body we have, taking care of the body we have, controlling what is in our control and accepting what is beyond it.  All of these themes continue.  I am honest with them about my faults - I'm an emotional eater, I eat more than I should, and I don't move my body.  I'm honest with them about my reasons for doing this surgery and my fears that I'll manage to screw it up.  We've talked about the fact that there will be some really rough days post surgery where I will probably wish I had never done it.  And we've talked about all my important reasons for doing the surgery.

 I pray I am handling this well with them.  I so want them to love their bodies. I know it is so hard for girls to do.  I want them to see how uniquely, beautifully, and perfectly made they are.  I want them to have confidence in themselves, to love themselves, to give themselves grace. 

If you see me this week and I'm a little less peppy.  Just know I just broke up with my life long love - food.  It's going to be a rocky breakup.  I chose it, but I will still miss the relationship and mourn it.  It is going to take some time to get to my new healthy relationship with myself that will ultimately replace the destructive one I had with my longtime love.  I'm on the right path. 

Jenn