Everyone has a different "why." And I'm writing about this not to justify it for anyone else but so I have my "why" written down somewhere. I honestly don't need anyone reading to understand or to agree with me, but if you want some insight on how I got here feel free to keep reading.
I have never been thin in my life. EVER. And honestly, that is not my goal now. I have always been the big one in the group from elementary school on. Part of that is definitely genetics. I look like most of the women on one side of the family. We are naturally curvy with a larger butts, hips and thighs and no boobs to speak of, even when we are at a healthy weight. When I am not at a healthy weight I am just, well, big.
I came to appreciate my curves in my 30s and accept the genetic body I was given. I got to and maintained a healthy weight and size for me multiple times through that decade. That was the decade I actually liked my body. Curves are good.
The other part of the equation is I am an emotional eater. Every emotion makes me want food. Sometimes in my life I have dealt with this better than other times. But controlling this is what makes or breaks where I am health and weight wise.
I can lose weight and I can even maintain it for a period of time. I've done this many times over my adult life. However, something always comes along and derails me. Yes, that something is ultimately me and how I deal with stress and crisis and change. And I know I still have to do a better job of that going forward.
I know that weight loss surgery is not a cure all. It is a tool. I can succeed or I can fail. I am fully aware. And it terrifies me that I will fail. I also know that it is currently the best tool I have to maintain weight loss and not be back where I started a year, two years or five years from now.
I know many people have many opinions about weight loss surgery. Not everyone will think it is a great idea for me. I ask that you support my journey and trust that I have done the research and the work to know what I'm getting into and what all it entails. This was not a hasty decision. It might seem that way to many who are just now hearing about it. Just because you haven't heard about it until now doesn't mean it hasn't been in the works for months and honestly researched for multiple years. This is the decision I feel is best for me. That doesn't mean it is the best for everyone or that there aren't other ways to achieve a healthier body. Trust me, I'm aware. We all have to choose what is best for us individually. Please respect my decision.
I know, I'm already long winded. But why am I doing this? Well, I'm obese. I've always been overweight but for the last 6ish years I've well surpassed overweight and hit full on obese. And it has affected my health. I have sleep apnea, high triglycerides, and weird headaches. I have family history of heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and high blood pressure. I want to be around a long time. The absolute best thing I can do to decrease my current health issues and prevent the others is lose weight. Did I mention how much I despise the cpap machine? I can not wait to kick it permanently to the curb.
I am worth the effort, work, blood, sweat and tears that I am putting into this next chapter of my journey with knowing and loving myself. Is it going to be hard? Yes. Am I going to wonder at times if I did the right thing? Yes. Is it drastic? Maybe, but honestly probably not at this point. I need to be healthy, for me, for my husband, for my kids. This is the first step in the journey of getting back to a healthy me.
Thanks for coming along on this journey,
Jenn
*****I know I am sharing my personal journey. I ask that you be respectful and encouraging in any comments you may feel led to leave. I want to be honest and open about this process. I will remove mean or judgemental comments. *****
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