Harsh or Important Life Lesson?

This morning I walked Rehm and Charlotte to school. As we were about to enter the building I asked Rehm where his box was. He had to decorate a shoe box and fill it with items that were important to him. He immediately panicked because he did not have the box with him. He had left it at home. The first thing out of his mouth was, "you need to go home and get it for me."

Me: So what are you going to do?

Rehm: You need to go home and get it for me

Me: No, it isn't my homework. What are you going to do?

Rehm falls apart and starts crying

Me: You have two choices. You can go to class now and explain to Mr. C. why you don't have your box or you can run home and get it. You might be tardy but if you hurry you'll get back before the announcements finish.

Rehm: You go get it I can't! I'll be late for math!

Me: I have to walk Charlotte to her class. You decide what you are going to do. I'll be happy to hold your backpack and I'll come meet you and walk back with you if you want.

I walked off at this point. He is still visibly upset. I took Charlotte to her class and told her to have a great day. Not knowing what Rehm chose to do, I stuck my head in his class to see if he was there. He was not. I explained the situation to Mr. C. and told him that Rehm would probably be tardy and upset when he arrived. He thanked me for letting him know and I left.

When I got outside I didn't immediately see Rehm so I thought he had started home to get the box. I was wrong. He was still standing there stressing out and upsetting himself thinking about how horrible it was going to be to be late instead of taking action and going to get the blasted box.

Me: So what are you going to do? Are you going to class now or home to get the box?

Rehm: I can't go without it! Mr. C. told us we would get a zero if we didn't turn it in! But I'll be late to math if I go get it. Mom, you need to go get it for me!

We start walking back to our house

Me: Is it my homework?

Rehm: No

Me: Is it my grade?

Rehm: No

Me: Then why should I go get it?

Rehm has no intelligible answer.

Me: Rehm, I am not doing this to be mean or to upset you. But sometimes as your Mom it is my job to help you take responsibility for your actions.

Rehm: You didn't have to walk Charlotte to her class! She can get there by herself!

Me: It was not Charlotte's fault that you forgot your homework. I had promised Charlotte I would walk her in this morning. It would not have been fair to her if I didn't walk her in because you forgot it. That was not her problem.

We finish walking home, get the box and head back to school. Rehm is still stressed, crying, miserable and mad at me. Of course we live close enough to the school that we can hear the bells ring and the announcements. When we left the house to head back to school it was quiet. He got really upset as he thought the announcements were over and he was officially tardy. Lucky for him, it was only the Moment of Silence.

In the end he got to class before the end of announcements and was not tardy. Honestly, I was a bit disappointed by this. I really wanted him to have to go get his tardy slip and explain that he had to go home and get his forgotten homework. I would have gone with him for moral support.

My goal this morning was not to make my son hate me, but to make him take responsibility for his actions and not expect someone else to fix it for him. I felt like this was a good opportunity for an important life lesson.

Of course there was a small part of me that felt sorry for him and a little harsh. But given the fact that he had already forgotten to bring homework home from school twice this week, I knew I could not fix this one for him.

So, if it were your child what would you have done?
Jenn

PS. The two times he forgot to bring homework home, I did not go get it for him or let him go get it. The first time he had to go to school early the next morning to do it and the second time he had worked ahead and already had it done.