Having a pet in my life has always been important to me. I know that is shocking considering at this moment we have two dogs, two cats and four fish. I love what they add to our lives. I love their companionship and their constant acceptance, even on my grumpy days. No, I don't love the constant pet hair, or the unexpected vet bills, or the clawed recliner. But, they are worth every minute of it.
I agonize over making the best decisions for the four-legged members of the family when they are ill, or in this case, old and declining and no longer enjoying their lives but enduring them. I ache over making the choice too soon...or too late.
Howdy can't tell me what he is thinking and to the end he is going to do his best to please me. He still gets up, with help, when I ask him to. He still comes to get attention, even when his back half is almost dragging the ground when he stands still for more than a few seconds. He still goes on a short walk every evening, though he has started balking about halfway through. Even though he doesn't feel great, Howdy is still doing his best to be the best pet he can be. It is my duty to be worthy of his trust and love.
I am so glad that we have the ability to make end of life choices for our pets. And, at the same time, I despise having that responsibility. It is so hard. I am not ready...
I know it is his time. But calling the vet to schedule your dog's death is a horrible thing to do. In fact, I couldn't do it because I knew I would cry too hard while on the phone. Michael had to make the appointment. Knowing for 48 hours when my dog's life is going to end is gut wrenching. Trying to find the right time and way to break the news to my children is terrible. But, at the end of the day, the 13.5 years we have been blessed to have Howdy as part of our family are worth every single bit of the pain now.
I keep looking at Howdy and thinking,"Is this really the right choice?" Deep down I know it is. But, I'm not ready...
Unfortunately, he is...
Jenn
3 comments:
My heart breaks for all of you, I know how much you love him.
Thinking of you...it is SO hard. Not too long from now, I'll be making the same decision about my 14.5 year old cat, and I am putting it off as long as I can.
Jenn - I am so sorry. My dear friend here in Richmond has been struggling with the same issue with her dear dog this past week. My first memory of Howdy was talking to you on the phone and you told me you were wearing both dogs on a leash attached to your belt. I still smile thinking about those crazy puppy days. I hope you are able to bring back all the happy memories and realize how wonderful of a life he has lived. Love you.
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