Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The Newest Form of Torture

Water boarding might have been outlawed but I have found a new form of torture that would break even the most determined person.

Taking my four children to the grocery store! Oh. My. Goodness! I would honestly prefer having sharp objects driven under my nails while simultaneously feeling like I was drowning to the experience from today.

We had a short list. It should have been a quick trip to pick up the 15 or so items we needed. The first 20-30 minutes weren't so bad. But it quickly went downhill from there. By the time we left I felt like my head just might explode if one more person asked for or complained about one more thing! By that point I would have agreed to anything, answered any question, and probably confessed to all kinds of crimes I had not committed if someone had told me they could make my children stop acting like crazy, whining, demanding alien children.

It didn't help that the Charlotte and Rehm convinced me to let them take allowance with them. Rehm was pointing out everything from bolillos to doughnuts to shampoo to pencil sharpeners to Charlotte. Charlotte actually had no clue how much money she had. Rehm in reality had about 5 times as much money as Charlotte. The twins had no money. Arg!

Rehm and Charlotte both decided they wanted chap stick. Easy enough. We found a package containing three sticks that had a dollar off coupon. We made a deal, Rehm would pay for one, Charlotte would pay for one, and I would buy one for Ruby and Eliza Claire to share (since there is no way I was going to trust them with a chap stick it would live in my bathroom). As soon as this was all settled Charlotte decided she didn't want chap stick after all. So now, I got to buy to sticks for the twins and Rehm was still committed to one.

Charlotte then informs me that she doesn't actually know how much money she has. She has not counted it. When asked why not she tells me she doesn't know how. Rehm apparently was supposed to help her and didn't. She of course is telling me this while commencing to sit down on the floor unzip her wallet and try to count it. In the middle of the store! I explain to her that is not an option. It is her responsibility to know how much money she has before arriving at the store. The twins are running like savages up and down the aisle, Rehm is smirking and all the other shoppers are giving me dirty looks!

We finally emerged from the grocery store with Charlotte the proud owner of a Nerd rope, Rehm the proud owner of chap stick, a Nerd rope and markers. Charlotte has 10 cents to her name and Rehm has maybe 50. I am barely holding on to my sanity by a very, very thin thread.

So the next time you see a parent being a bit short and/or loud with their children in the grocery store and said children are not being quiet, meek, little angels. Please, try to reserve your judgment and assume the poor parent made the mistake of letting at least one of those children bring allowance to the store.

Someone please shoot me if I even think of taking them all to the store again!


Sherri said...

very funny. I feel your pain

Phyllis said...

I think you should invest in the "contraption" I saw on Dr. Phill today. It was a leash...you need 4 of them and fasten them together. Then when they sit down on the floor, you just drag them to the check out line.

Of course, if you lived in GA, this could be a first degree felony. However, since you live in TX, it will probably be punishable by death!!

You know that I am too claustrophobic to visit you on death row, so don't expect to see me.

Brenna and Molly said...

Oh Jenn - sometimes you just need to do what you have to to get through the day! Every time I take my two (I can't imagine with 4!) to one of those warehouse superstores, I give them my cell phone camera and they take pictures of hundreds of things (or each other!) It's well worth the 20 mins it takes me to delete all those photos one by one to be able to get through that store with my sanity intact. So I would never judge!

greengem01 said...

I totally, completely feel your pain! I'd also like to mention that it gets no better when those children are 15, 12, 10 and 4... with the exception of sometimes being able to leave the 15 year old at home in charge of the remaining siblings! Unfortunately that's a rare occurrence since I'm usually WITH all of the kids when I have to stop at the store.
I'm not judging you! I've totally been there! One day at a time, my dear friend, one day at a time!! (someday when they are all grown up you will laugh about this....)